The Spanish Prisoner

Amongst my other hobbies, I like listing my profile on Internet sites. It amuses me to do so, and it sure beats having to meet people in real life. You can encounter all kinds of strange and interesting people, and delete their messages without ever leaving home. Within this context, I received the following message a few months ago. I ignored it at the time, so I've only just noticed quite how hilarious it is. I got this message from a user called "Rose Ad". I'll share it with you:

Hello,I m Rose Adams, 22, from Abingdon. I would have loved to tell you more about myself but right now 'm in a very serious shit here.there is something i will like to discuss with you but i'm so ashamed of my self. I don't want to tell anyone about this but i'll let you know, I got myself into a big shit here in africa..it all started when i met a guy sometime last year on the internet, he invited me to pay him a visit in his country, i never wanted to go but he told me he love me and will take good care of me. I came down to africa cos i wanna get serious in life and have kids of my own. When i got to africa he took me to a hotel where we lodge, and i was there, he tried making love to me but i insisted on meeting his family memebers first and when we marry. before i woke up the next morning i couldn't find this guy, he went away with all my money and everything i brought, can you see how some men can be so bad? I never wanted to come down here but i was foolish and ignorant, now i really regret ever coming down here. the shit i'm into now is that the hotel is holding my passport captive cos i owe them a bill...all this wouldn't have happened to me if my parents are still alive, i lost my parents in a car accident while we were still in Texas, and my only sister left for me is now a drug adict. I don't know what to do now i'm so confuse. I tried calling the embassy but they said if i have any problem with my visa. I have my return ticket but the hotel just won't let me leave.
I hope to get outa here once my bill is settled, i wanna be happy again, i need someone to bring laughter to my face again, someone i can spend the rest of my life with.. i know you can save me from this shit, i promise i'll definately pay ya back, and do anything you want from me.. i'm planning on settling down finally and get the right man.. I don't know what to do now.. If i can get any assistance from you i'll be so happy. you can reach me in my private email so we can talk better and if you wanna do anything for me rosead112e@[yeehaw!].com
Rose

Abingdon, eh? I always knew that was trouble. Typical of someone from Abingdon to get themself into a very serious shit. Too bad that she lost her parents in Texas -- it is such a big state, so easy to get lost -- and her only sister left for her is now a drug addict. Still, I'm not so inclined to bail her out, despite promising to "do anything [I] want from [her]": she ditched her last bloke and he was only after an easy shag, so I doubt she'd acquiesce to anything I might ask for. Trapped in a hotel forever, though -- that doesn't sound much fun. Perhaps I should introduce her to Allan. She is, after all, pretty looking girl.