Liquid Diet

Another day, another slew of idiotic rules designed to make travel more unpleasant whilst protecting no one. So apparently no liquids can be taken on board planes any more and (according to Gatwick Airport) "liquid will be removed from the passenger". This will, I suppose, at least reduce the volume considerably and perhaps lead to lower fares provided people are prepared to travel in dehydrated form.

It's a pretty bold move, banning an entire state of matter. Most solids are seemingly OK, and there doesn't seem to be any explicit ban on gases or plasma. No work on whether ice cubes are permitted.

It gets worse: in the UK, they are currently banning all hand luggage except passports. That's right, no iPods for you, Mr Trendsetter! In fact, no books. Yes, just in case you were thinking of doing some reading on your eight hour flight, too bad, you must instead sit there in silence for the whole journey, and think about what a naughty boy you have been. If they do find you trying to smuggle a dangerous book on board, I'm sure that they will promptly burn it.

You must also check in all laptops. You may remember that last time I checked in a laptop, it was stolen along with the rest of my luggage by evil scumbags from Argentinian Airlines. When I reported the loss, the representatives expressed sarcasm that I would do something so stupid as check in a laptop. Have you seen the way that baggage handlers deal with luggage, throwing it from trucks onto conveyor belts? This idiotic rule is going to cause millions of dollars of damage and theft to electronic equipment.

One can only hope that at some point someone will have the good sense to notice that all of these rules and regulations do nothing but make people's lives more miserable. And perhaps, six to twelve months after that, they'll loosen these apalling rules.