Lolly

A very much overdue lolly stick update, but I start with a depressing discovery. I have a stck of about a dozen used lolly sticks, and I needed to know which ones I have done already. So I entered one of them into google to see if one of my pages would come up and discovered this abhorrence. (note for the uninitiated: popsicle is american for male genitalia). Somehow this page seems to make my amateur efforts quite unnecessary, but I will press on.

Anyway, to make my task easier, I will split this task into pieces, and just do a few thematically linked ones per update. Firstly, see if you can spot the link between the following:

(from last July)
What kind of phone does a turtle have?
A shell-ular phone

What do you call a flying turtle?
Shellicopter

Why wouldn't the oyster give anyone his pearl?
He was shellfish.

Now, what links these jokes together? Apart from the fact that they are all rubbish? Yes, they all involve crap puns on the word "shell". I can't help thinking that the author of all these jokes is getting lazy, and is just churning them out one after another all based around the same idea. Such as,

What does a turtle wrap its sandwiches in?
Shellophane

How does a turtle greet its friends?
By saying "shell-o"

What is a turtle's favourite pachyderm?
A shellephant.

And so on.

Actually, if I were a turtle, I think I would get quite incensed by this constant stream of crap jokes. The implication is that all turtles are obsessed and completely preoccupied with anything remotely sounding like the word "shell". Which is a bit pathetic really. I mean, I am a human, but that doesn't mean that I am completely obsessed with everything that sounds a bit like "human". such as... er... Gary Numan. And, while I think about it, wasn't there a lolly stick joke some time back about "what kind of phone does a witch have? --- a spell phone"? I think I detect another incredibly lazy trend here. Fill in the following:

What kind of phone does a skunk have...
What kind of phone does the devil have...
What kind of phone does the popular fell walker, Wainwright, have...

and so on. Honestly. This is rubbish.

Expect more of the same next update.