Midwest vs Mideast

What follows is a brief comparison of the principle points of the Midwest, versus those of the Mideast.

For any unAmerican readers, a brief note of explanation. The Mideast is American for the Middle East: presumably that extra syllable is just too much effort to pronounce. The Midwest is American for America, or at least what you would take to be be America if you looked at it on the map. It consists of, roughly speaking, all the states of the USA which do not have a coastline, and therefore consumes roughly 90% of the landmass of the land, if you don't count anomalies such as Alaska (and most people don't). However, since most Americans live either close to the east coast or the to the west coast (much like awkward youths pushing themselves against opposite sides of the school hall at an ill-advised school disco, with a gaping gulf in between them populated only by the unpopular fat kid with the bad glasses: and that's how most Americans view the inhabitants of the midwest), then the midwest requires a special name to describe it.

A further note for unAmerican readers: calling someone unAmerican is about as big an insult as it is possible to make. Suggesting that someone does not posess the defining qualities of an American citizen is considered even worse than the second biggest insult, which is to call someone a socialist (that is, to suggest that they may have concern or interest in the safety and well-being of people other than themselves or their immediate family). Therefore, use this term with care.

Onto the comparison. The following consists of how most Americans understand the Mideast, and how most Americans understand the midwest.

Feature	MidEast	MidWest
Contents	Large empty plains	Large empty deserts
People	Portrayed as ill-educated sand monkeys by the media	Portrayed as ill-educated country bumpkins by the media
Religious matters	Portrayed as ululating religious nutcases by the media	Portayed as bible-bashing religious nutcases by the media
Rebellion	Considered to be a breeding ground for terrorists and rebels	Considered to be a breeding ground for arms-wielding right wing militias
Politics	Political issues caricatured as clashes between old guard and modernising forces	Political issues caricatured as clashes between a past of slavery and reformist forces
Rulers	Ruled by puppet governments controlled by conservative and religious forces	Ruled by George Bush and the Republicans

There you go. I hope you found this informative. In my next post, I hope to solve the Middle East question. (The Middle East Question is, for anyone who's not been paying attention, why is there a Nat West Bank, but no Nat Gaza Strip?).