Conversations with my USB port

Me: Hello computer, here is my new digital camera.
USB port1: OMFG! WTF? Issa digital camera.
Me: Yes, that's right, it's a digital camera. I just plugged it in.
USB port1: OMFG! ROFL, LOL. I spose you want me 2 install it for you.
Me: If you wouldn't mind.
USB port1: LOL. kthxbye. Can I contact Windows update? Just this once? I promise I won't tell them about the warez and risque wallpaper that you have.
Me: Why not just read the files off this disk?
USB port1: WTF? I am teh l33t connecter. Are you sure? I mean, this disk may contain viruses and shit.
Me: It came with the camera. It's fine.
USB port1: What*ever*... am installing new hardware. Ooh! It looks like a digital camera.
Me: Yes, I just told you that.
USB port1: Gr8! Why don't I install some kickass drivers for it. Meanwhile, look at a cute icon of a camera.
Me: Get on with it.
USB port1: Booyakasha. OK, all done now.
Me: Finally.

Some time later:
Me: Hello again, plugging my camera in again.
USB port2: OMFG! WTF? Is a digital camera!
Me: What? Don't go through this again. You know what this is. We already spent ten minutes installing drivers for this.
USB port2: OMFG! ROFL, LOL. No that was USB port1 you installed it on. I'm USB port2. You know, the USB port right next to port1. I'm going to need to install some drivers. Can I go to windows update? Pretty please? I promise I will only make snide comments about your dubious taste in semi-legal mp3z?
Me: Oh, FFS...

See also the much funnier travails of Lucas Kovar.

Meanwhile, if anyone can tell me why every time you plug the same device in a different USB port the computer reacts like a character in a PKD novel, please let me know...