Asked if he collected any of the pictures in the press of him depicted as a vampire, Mr Howard joked: "Well, not yet." .

All together now: this must be some new definition of the word joke of which I was previously not aware.

Headline spotted in the local campus newspaper: "Election results will determing ruling party". No horsecrap, Holmes!

Mall stores are getting ever more specific: at the weekend I saw one catering for people who keep baby eagles -- it's called "Victoria's Egret".