More Lemmings

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA -- Google launches new "CliffJump" service.

Google, Inc, announced a new service for its users today, called "CliffJump". This seamlessly integrates with the current search tool, and intelligently analyzes users' search queries. When it detects that the user is asking foolish, stupid, or self-obsessed questions, instead of returning relevant results, it instructs the user to go jump off a cliff, and provides a handy map directing the user to their nearest large rock formation.

"Some people are not satisfied with the search results they are currently getting," explained Chief Lava Lamps Officer, Larry Brin. "When we looked at the reasons why, we found that the these people were submitting queries like 'britknee speers narked' or 'what is the meaning of the milkshake song brings all the boys to the yard'. Rather than change the search engine to give meaninful responses to these idiotic queries, we have decided to apply the principles of natural selection to improve the queries and thin out the user base a little".

At the moment, the CliffJump feature is still in Beta testing, but Larry Brin reports that already over ten thousand Google users have jumped off a cliff because Google told them to.

--Dissociated Press