20040712

This is a stick-up!

An Ivy League professor writes,

"Could you email me all your lolly stick jokes in one convenient file?"

In a word, no. Do you think that I really have nothing better to do than to save all the archives of this non-blog thing to disk, boot up cygwin and grep through the HTML for all occurrences of the word 'lolly', and then tidy up the results? I might just as well spend my time downloading random episodes of Monty Python's Flying Circus in order to identify snatches of rousing anythems.

On a completely unconnected note, here for your delectation and irritation is a collected list of all the lolly stick jokes that I've picked up over the years. Note that these are all genuined jokes, that came from lollys (lollies? red lolly, yellow lolly?) that I purchased and ate from my local Shtop&Shop. And if you don't believe me, I have the evidence right here on my keyboard -- look:

  • If a gown is evening wear, what is a suit of armour? Silverware.
  • Why did the annoying exterminator lose his job? He bugged his boss.
  • Why was the book in the hospital? Because it hurt its spine.
  • Why did the book join the Police? So he could work undercover.
  • When is a fin not a fin? When it's a dol-phin.
  • Why did the boy stare at the automobile's radio? He wanted to watch a car-tune.
  • What were the two talkative computers doing? They were having a disc-cussion
  • What did the girl melon say when the boy melon proposed? We're too young, we canteloupe.
  • Why did the bird go to the theatre? So it could wait in the wings.
  • When do you have feet on your face? When they're crow's feet.
  • When is a theatre clumsy? When the curtain falls.
  • Where should you put your TV? In a remote area
  • What can of dog can jump higher than a house? A house can't jump.
  • What kind of horse never wins a race? A sawhorse.
  • How to billboards talk? Sign Language
  • What did the lawyer call her daughter? Sue.
  • What kind of phone does a turtle have? A shell-ular phone

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